On Sunday, one of the moms from church commented on the clothes my friends and I were wearing. She said, "You girls are too young to be wearing gray!"

Later on Sunday, I found out something about a sister that scared me, confused me, and broke my heart. As I looked upon her situation, I found it hard to believe/recall how far apart our lives have become since the beginning of high school and how difficult it has been to continue loving and encouraging her.

Today, I heard the news. A senior from my high school was speeding on Sunday morning and killed a 49 year-old pedestrian. A husband, father of 3, and teacher. Although I was out all day, occasionally recalling this incident and silently wishing he would suffer as he "deserves", I came home to an email that addressed him as a "friend" and his facebook page filled with love and support. He, too, is a son, student, and friend. He, too, is forever broken.

Our world is broken, and God has once again opened my eyes to the reality that is bigger and more important than where I get accepted into college. In this world, there is murder and drugs and hatred. But there is also guilt and shame and loneliness...only my self-righteousness gets in the way before I find it in myself to love those that suffer from these things. How will this boy walk the hallways of school again? How will he grow up seeing himself? Who are we to decide what he deserves when we, too, are sinning against one another and the laws of God with lies, pride, stealing, selfishness, and self-righteousness? And how will we, the Body of Christ, use this situation to glorify God?

It is 4 days before Christmas. That's 4 days before a family celebrates Christmas without a husband/father. But moreover, it's four days before the "birthday" of our Christ, who came down to Earth to give us grace and a full life. In a strange, hard-for-humans-to-understand way, Christ meant for that gift of Christ to be for everyone every day of the year and yet we think we (as "good" people) deserve it more than the murderer. The cheater. The thief. So on.

As humans, we are definitely too young to be wearing gray. Too weak to ever handle any situation on our own. Too confused to discern right from wrong. Too lost to find our own direction. And too sinful to ever meet every expectation. We'll never be ready, or "old enough" to face the darkness of the world alone. The only thing we can do is love others as He loved us, because we don't deserve it any more than the next person. Because we're commanded to do so. Because it's a response to God's gift of love that He so graciously pours out. So this week and in every season of your life, examine the ways that God is blessing you with His love and the opportunity to know Him. And to use any situation to glorify Him, examine the ways that you can bless others with the same love and pour it out on the lost, ashamed, and broken.

[Bitter]sweet awakening.