Race

It's kinda sad. It's really sad, actually. Everywhere I look, people are racing against each other. If not with school and grades, then with jobs and income and performance and talent and their own kids' school and grades...the list goes on. Recently, I've experienced one of many direct competitions in high school. This one isn't track or swim or going to music competitions, but presidential debates in my APUSH class. In honor of March Madness, we've all picked presidents and debate for the "Best President" or "Worst President" title..brackets and seeding and everything; you get out of it what you put in. The more research and specifics the better the argument and the more likely Mrs. Tootell will give you points.

That's how it is in this life, isn't it? Or at least in America...the American Dream. Work, and you can gain. We discussed this in English class, too, after finishing The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Was Gatsby great? Yes, because he persevered and kept hope for 5 years and rebuilt his life from nothingness? or No, because he didn't end up getting what he wanted? Was he a complete, pathetically utter failure? By the end of the period, I was saddened to hear how many of my classmates judged his greatness (or the lack thereof) based on his tangible gains or accomplishments, which, in the end, was nothing but death. Yeah, he didn't get the girl and he was shot. The thing is, Gatsby had more hope and direction than any of us have. He had so much hope to the point where it was unhealthy that he really believed he'd get the girl. He invested his heart and efforts for his one true love (although it's debatable whether or not he actually loved her, but that's a different story..). While others argued that it was impractical and foolish, I thought of the millions that don't have half the education, let alone resources and blessings, that we do. Are they not allowed to hope? Are they worthless Gatsbys who should really just stop hoping for the "impractical"? Are we, the disgustingly rich, stuck in the mindset that, in the end, it doesn't matter how you ran the race, it only matters if you've won?

Our generation is so, so lost. At the end of the day, their worth is determined by the number of A's received. By the amount of work they've done. By their popularity and appeal. By the ways they've managed to get ahead of the next person. And so life goes on, and we're all trying to extend our stride or strain our muscles or reach our arms just a little farther, hoping for the temporary. The quick. The immediate pleasure of being able to say or think I'm better than he is. I'm prettier than she is. I'm going to get into a more prestigious college than they are. Little do we understand that we're about to die. We're all about to die...in just a few years...and in reality, what will matter is how we ran the race instead of what we ended up getting.

For the past 6 months, I've slowly and unknowingly transformed into the girl who races for the win. I've hypocritically preached through arguments and conversations that others have been wandering, only seeking the temporary, and I've encouraged my friends to open their eyes to our beautiful and faithful God who is so much more than the security that this life offers. But at the same time, I've spent hours every week daydreaming and worrying about the job. The home. The income. The security. The college. The reputation. The approval.

This week, as I forgot about God and put on my game face to tackle another hard week of junior year, I (to no surprise) came out with nothing. My strains and reaches for the wrong things left me desperately grasping thin air. It was only in the moment I reminded myself (with the kind of only-half-believing-but I-know-the-right-answer-attitude) that my worth and identity is in the Lord. That I have something to hold onto. That someone ALREADY thinks I'm worth something and has a plan for me to do good in His Name.

So, Alayne, how do I run this race?
All I have to say is have faith. Hope.
LOVE.