Brian

I suddenly and randomly recalled something from my childhood today. When my step brother, Brian, lived with us, he'd come home from work around midnight. Most of the time I'd be asleep.

In the hallway, right before the doorway (my family kept the hallway lights on until everyone was in bed and the doors open for emergencies...until kitty cat came into our lives), there's a spot that creaks if you step on it. I remember the countless times he'd step on that creak and I'd quickly shut my eyes and bury my face into the pillow. He'd stand there and watch me lay there for a while, and I'd wait for the creak to sound again.

Sometimes, I'd open my eyes or he'd catch me. That's where the deadly tickle attack came in..he always had the worst tickle attacks, but I find myself missing them. Those tickle attacks have turned into warm hugs when he visits home since he got married almost 3 years ago, which I also love.

I dunno, as i remembered this today, I found myself wondering what things would cross his mind as he watched me sleep from the doorway. Most of all, it was surprisingly comforting to think that someone cared to come home and see me lay there even after a long day of work. I'm really lucky to have two step brothers who had the same dad and grew up with him...I think I see a lot of my dad, whom I've never known, just by looking at my 3 brothers. Self-discipline, humor, musicality, SMARTS, height...

I'm almost afraid to let go of this memory. That's why I've posted it here. I miss Brian and Kevin and their foot-jiggling, book-reading, piano-playing, cooking, movie-watching, music-playing, newspaper-flipping, smells, piggy-back-rides, door frame-slapping, and smiles.

The sun still shines on the overcast days, we just can't see it yet.

Beauty Ignored

An two hours ago or so, I looked out the window of our kitchen and thought that my street Elkridge, in that moment, looked beautiful. So I grabbed my bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios and stepped outside for a while. My mom has such a green thumb that she'll water the plants before feeding her children (ha-ha), and we have a billiona;sdljf fragrant plants right outside our door. Elkridge Dr. is also a ridiculous hill. One reason I love this is that if I look to my left up the street, I can't help but notice the sky. There were gorgeous skies today :D

I rarely notice beautiful days anymore. I can't wait for summer, when I'm no longer doggy-paddling in the sea of junior year. I can't wait for the warmth and room to breathe. But meanwhile, for the next semester and 2 weeks, God's only asking that I give Him my best. Maybe tomorrow, this motivation will plummet and I'll hate everything again. But right now, it's comforting to know that He'll still provide the perfect afternoons like today to remind me that He's just as good regardless of how well I seem to be doing.

Today I'm thankful for:

-God's faithfulness in being on my heart this week, thus helping me anticipate His blessings and guidance
-the new year that motivates me to improve my lifestyle to be more glorifying to God
-the sun and warmth
-sleep. any sleep.
-music and the blessing that it always is as an outlet.
-mr. deveny, mr. wang, mr. doctor, mr.steiner
-how sgs in the NewLife meeting went down today :)
-brothers and sisters who keep me accountable
-brothers and sisters who encourage me
-mama hsieh and eric who do, in fact, bring me a lot of joy
-tanya liu for being there for me all day everyday. truly sent from God! :) i see you.
-my girls and their silliness
-the examples my discipler and sg leader are to me!
-no tests the first week back from break. God's watching out for my stress level, yet pushing me on at the same time!