Smile for Finals!

On the very hour-eve of my first college final, I am comforted, calm, and free. Maybe that's something our parents don't want to hear...we've got to care! And I do. I do.

But to you, what are finals? Why should you care?

Throughout high school, I've understood the gospel. I've recited it and shared it and told it to myself. Yet without entirely realizing it, I haven't been living in full freedom. I would lug around my sins and past mistakes. Some of them I know I committed out of little faith in our real and perfect God. Some of them I committed out of idolatry. Then, out of seeking to please the flesh. From lying to being prideful to skipping a date with God for sleep, I made one mistake after another and I saw their familiar faces regularly in my life. Because I woke up in the morning and remembered these sins before I remembered God, I would unconsciously stop meditating on the freedom Jesus Christ has bought for us.

What has been your spiritual struggle? I ask because I think God is trying very hard to reveal truth to you. Since coming to college, He has graciously poured out conversation after conversation, sermon after sermon, verse after verse, and worship experiences/meetings galore for me to experience His freedom. His acceptance. His embrace. I'll be honest-I still struggle with guilt. With remembering the weight that Christ held on His shoulders.

But praise God, I've tasted the freedom He had always intended for me.

Finals are a blessing. School is a blessing. Money to go to school is a blessing. Sleep is a blessing. Think about it-it's more than you need. More than you need to survive. More than you need to worship. CARE because it's God's gift to you. But brothers and sisters, be free, because when we fail to do well, there is freedom.

Sweet Awakening.

Romantic

"Fanciful. Impractical. Dominated by idealism. A desire for adventure. Chivalry. Characterized by preoccupation with love. Displaying or expressing love or strong affection."

From what started as plans to have a girls night on this particular Friday, God surprised us and drew us near. After excitedly getting together and devouring a delicious meal of In-n-Out (complete with burger, fries, and a milkshake) we go and buy 6 pints of ice cream and return to Chapman to bake brownies. Then, we snuggle close and share our stories and watch Despicable Me.

On a whim, we decide to visit Huntington beach after we hear that there were NEON WAVES. "Bioluminescent" waves. My friend Nicole claims it is one of the coolest things she's ever seen...so precious that she was afraid that she would never see them again. So she pounces at the chance to go.

At first, these waves are simply exciting and unique. But when we get to the edge of the water, they are awe-inspiring. They're romantic...like a beautiful view to soak in on a date. The kind that you can watch for hours on end. As we examine the coastline, we wait for the waves to crash a glowing green-blue. The ocean is dark, and blends with the clear, starry night sky. We have no idea where one ends and the other begins, but it doesn't matter. The whole scene is vast and infinite. Immeasurable. Mysterious. Within the darkness, there are facts and stories and life that we don't know...yet we can trust that it's beautiful. Sure, it's biological. It's science. But it's God's biology. It sure isn't a coincidence that nature could make glowing waves...or that nature can fill our sky with a specific arrangement of stars...or that nature said, "Okay, since the girls are coming tonight, I'm going to do this for them."

We stand at the edge of the water, scanning the view and anticipating the next set of waves. They don't simply rise and crash. The waves expand. They rush and stretch and fly, as if God is simply tracing His finger through the darkness and leaving behind a trail of magic. They come out of nowhere. Out of nothingness. We point our toes and rake them through the wet sand as a trail of light follows us then disappears. The color and nature of the glow reminds me of life within an object...like a candle in a lantern or God's spirit in the bush that spoke to Moses.

We remind each other that this is God meeting us. That God created every drop of water and orchestrated the nature of every wave that crashes. We remind each other that this is God, fighting to meet with us. This is a romantic, affectionate gift from a CRAZY, IMPRACTICAL GOD. Who else in their right minds would bless us in abundance when we doubt and neglect him? Who else would meet with us? Who else would fight against everything in this world to be with us? Who else would fervently push and nudge and fight just for a moment of our attention? Who else values being with us as much as He does?

I realize that with all these talks and hypocrisy and laziness and apathy, WE are the impractical ones. How can we respond back to God with anything but gratefulness and a passionate desire to know Him back and explore more of THIS?

I wasn't going to get my feet wet, but I decide that I can't leave without saying, "Hi" back. It blows my mind that the powerful, deep, thick, glowing waves that we see in the distance come all the way to our feet in a tender meeting. The water calmly rushes around my ankles and under my feet, shifting the sand and getting between my toes. It's chilly and wakes me right up. It excites me. It smells and feels like life. The water comes and goes, but comes again. The waves we see roar and shout, but the pool that surrounds us is silent and hushed.

Our God is off in the distance. He's around the whole world...in every nook and cranny...showing off His power and love to people everywhere. But He's also fully with us. Near. Personal. Intentional.

Awake. Exciting. Surprising. Showoff. Display. Maker. Here. There. Safe. Refuge. Awe. Excitement. Unpredictable. Immeasurable. Vast. New Life. Unchanging. Personal. Music. Breath. Faithfulness. Grace. Purpose. Time. Affection. Gifts. Sights and sounds. Silence. Retreat. Alone. Together.

Romantic.

Challenge

This week, I'm going to try to pray 10+ minutes everyday.

Can you do it?

If you're like me, your excuse in the morning is that if you close your eyes after having just woken up, you'll fall back asleep. Or there's breakfast to eat and class to walk to.

or your excuse in the afternoon is that there's homework to do, people to talk to, facebook to check, food to eat, errands to run.

your excuse once you're done with all that is that you "need" rest. you need to take a mental break and just hang out. just do nothing. you deserve it, right?

then, your excuse late at night is that you're tired. there's no way you can pray right before heading to bed, and taking 10 minutes away from our 6+ hours of sleep is just too much.

You silently promise that you'll spend time with God tomorrow.

You do this everyday.

Tomorrow passes.

The week passes.

The month passes and you say you believe and you're in a relationship with God

But He hasn't heard from you recently...

10 min = 1/6 of an hour

1 hour=1/24 of a day

1 day=1/7 of a week

Can you do it?

Journal Entry from Monday, January 17, 2011

To Do:

-mail out LMU recording

-mail out Pepperdine supplement

-Prepare for Pepperdine, Chapman, CSUF, CSULB auditions

-study for theory diagnostics

fear of...

judgement

rejection

inadequacy

comparison

failure

forgetfulness

sinfulness

not knowing

disappointment

Today, it's crazy to see how God has provided for all of these things. He always knew I'd feel things things on the even of college, and He knew what type of a community would help strengthen my confidence and point my wandering eyes in the right direction. After 11 or so years of competitive music, competitions, chair tests, comparisons, and pride, God has placed me in a conservatory that instills a system of experience, peer evaluation, and self-development. Chapman's music conservatory isn't about getting ahead of others, but about becoming better and falling in love. I'M SO EXCITEDDDDDDDDDDDD.

"Loneliness is something that happens to us, but I think it is something we can move ourselves out of. I think a person who is lonely should dig into a community, give himself to a community, humble himself before his friends, initiate community, teacher people to care for each other, love each other. Jesus does not want us floating through space or sitting in front of our televisions. Jesus wants us interacting, eating together, laughing together, praying together. Loneliness is something that came with the fall.

If loving other people is a bit of heaven, then certainly isolation is a bit of hell, and to that degree, here on earth, we decide in which state we would like to live"-Donald Miller

God is Able

God is able
He will never fail
He is almighty God
Greater than all we seek
Greater than all we ask
He has done great things

Lifted up
He defeated the grave
Raised to life
Our God is able
In His name
We overcome
For the Lord
Our God is able


God is with us
God is on our side
He will make a way
Far above all we know
Far above all we hope
He has done great things

God is with us
He will go before
He will never leave us
He will never leave us
God is for us
He has open arms
He will never fail us
He will never fail us

Spark

God is up to something big, you guys.

Maybe when you step back a little and think about that, you'll say,"Duh, Alayne."

But have you ever felt that God wasn't doing much for a period of your life? Or, more so, that you forgot God moves and lives and changes and blesses?

I admit. I forgot about that this summer. I forgot about Him. I was consumed with the small things. Tiny things!! Packing list for college. Financial aid. What color to paint my toenails. I was consumed with thoughtless, brainless things...I could somehow spend a WHOLE day browsing facebook, youtube, and blogs. I could talk to my friends until night became morning. I met with God at church and I preached that a relationship with Him was key to growth and knowing the God we say we believe in. And then, I came home, prayed for more spiritual discipline that week, and returned to my computer.

Being here at Chapman is such a huge blessing. Yeah, the faculty, the student-teacher ratio, the dorm life, the socal weather, the freedom, the new friends-they're all immense blessings. But the difference is that God decided He would spark my hunger for Him. He knew that in this moment, I would desire to be filled with more knowledge of Him so that my will could be aligned with His, rather than diverging towards a lifestyle of worldly desires.

Take my word. I'm not just trying to make up a cool story about how God is going to do something good. I'm truthfully saying that there's a stirring of conversations, a long list of situations and relationships, and a changing/convicting of hearts here on campus that PROVE that God is at work. For those He has put on our hearts to minister to, He has given Christian roommates and close friends. For those with whom we want to share our faith, He has given time and space in very busy days. There's curiosity, openness, and countless opportunities to share with people who really want to hear what we believe to be the Truth. In fact, they want to come and SEE it. To church!! GOD IS PLANTING THE DESIRE TO DISCOVER HIM IN PEOPLE THAT DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM!

And do you know what else I think?

I think this is happening on the Peninsula campus, too.

I think this is happening on your college campus.

I think this is happening around the world.

It has been happening, and this rude, convicting, difficult, shame-filled awakening has helped me to see.

Dad,

What if you were here?

Hello

Hello 2011!

Hello to NEW things.

Hello opportunities, beauty, laughter, excitement, and laughter.

Hello sunshine and hello rain.

Hello sleepless nights.

Hello perseverance, hope, discipline, renewal.

Hello decisions decisions decisions...

Hello JOY and hello accomplishment.

Hello surprise and hello disappointment.

Hello food and hello music.

Hello great music. Mwrehehehe.

Hello trips and travels.

Hello endings.

Hello beginnings.

Hello Father, who provides, protects, challenges, loves, listens, and responds.

Hello Lord, who deserves all the glory in the world. All my efforts and cares.

Hello Savior...Thank You for every day.

Hello Teacher. Be patient with me. I know You are. I want to learn and grow.

Hello Friend. Wherever I turn You are there and You remain the same. Help me to treasure You more.