Best. Sweat. Ever.

We girls are here in Osaka, Japan...sitting on tatamis in Suita Bible Gospel Church enjoying the God-given AC and quietly journaling because WE LOVE JAPAN and God's already showing us so much!

Today, all that was scheduled was Orientation and Cleaning, so it's been really relaxed simply meeting some of the people who work/volunteer in the church and walking to/from LIFE, the market literally down a block from the SBGC.

I had not expected to be so strongly convicted on the first full day in Japan (we haven't even started evangelizing to non-Christians through the scheduled program yet!) In fact, I had never even expected to be called and brought to a country like Japan that is so polite, closed, economically sound, and pleasant...I had somehow assumed that God would bring me to a poorer country of more open people haha.

"So what do you mean by cleaning, Alay?" you might ask.

Guys were split up between gutter cleaning and replacing lights in the sanctuary..and girls were to scrub carpets! At first, our job seemed insignificant and easy. Okay...girls can do heavy work too -.- but as soon as we got our rags and water, I realized

1. How tiring it was to be getting down on our knees and scrubbing coffee out of the carpet simply when it was so hot

2. How normal of Japanese culture it was to do that! (We never would have done that back home...and if we ever did, we probably would've hired people to scrub stains.)

God's already showing me how serving Him in one place may be completely different from serving Him in another, but each way has the capacity of ministering to His people and furthering the kingdom. And so He brought me through hours of travel to experience how scrubbing coffee stains out of carpet would help immerse me in the culture of Japan..how grateful I am!! Being reminded that such a small act could further His kingdom also gave us so much...passion to continue that seemingly insignificant labor :) It was truly the best sweat ever...

Meanwhile, we met Shinya who is 22 and attends SBGC. He explained that God touches the Japanese through studying (while it's like..music in the US) and that if Japan is going to transform, the Christians really need to continue studying the Word. Pray for that!!! Because with all this high tech going on, the youth are reading/writing/thinking less and less!!! Gotta go :)

Profile of the Lukewarm

I found a letter that I wrote in January 2009, but never sent. I don't know why I didn't send it (maybe I forgot, decided not to, lost it?) but I'm kind of glad I found it because the book it was about is still being borrowed by friends.

Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Heard of it? This is what I wrote.

"Chapter 4: Profile of the Lukewarm

I love this quote...

'It is not scientific doubt, not atheism, not pantheism, not agnosticism, that in our day and in this land is likely to quench the light of the gospel. It is a proud, sensuous, selfish, luxurious, church-going, hollow-hearted prosperity.' -Frederic D. Huntington

And then Chan says,

'...He persists in loving us with unending, outrageous love.' (65)

I love reading/hearing about God's love like that..."outrageous", "crazy". Of course the way that the Bible describes His love is also poetic, powerful, and moving, but it's words like these that I know exactly how to interpret. Chan talks about God's love in a way that blows my mind.

So when I read this chapter, I wrote down the "lukewarm people" points. There are 18, almost all...or pretty much all...or ALL of which apply to me (to one extent or another...but all :( ). This just shows how I've been living life and serving God with so little passion and how I've been feeling satisfied about it because I'm not as "bad" as other people.

My prayer is that this is the start of radical change in your heart, the hearts of all who have/will read this book, and mine. My prayer is that we can leave that comfortable, spiritually sedentary self behind (by the strength of God, of course!)

I was surprised when Chan described us as salt that would "ruin manure" D: Analogies like this have come up so many times in this book already...and each time, I immediately try to get around it. But really? I'm not even good enough for manure...I need to start seeing everything I do in God's eyes."

I learned how to count from 1 to 100 in Japanese. :D

Bring it!

In the next 7 days...

I need to...

-practice and perfect my violin pieces to

-be ready to record by Tuesday

-send the finished takes to Mr.Wang!

-finish more math homework and study to..

-ace three more math tests

-clean my uncleanable room

-finish up typing my 3-minute testimony to send to Kmats to be translated (this should have happened like last week -.-)

-buy omiyage and/or

-burn CD mixes for my host family or friends that I make in Japan!

-take/gather pictures for the photo album that will be used as I make friends in Japan!

-buy any extra/needed clothes for Japan and

-PACK it all!! along with notes, music, journals, etc.

-catch up on worship team reading

-catch my breath

-prep and practice for 2 worship sets

-interview one last worship team member!

-HANG OUT WITH TANYA LIU

-be a better daughter

-remind leadership (Barnaby) to meet at least once or twice while I'm gone

-laugh about reading The Heart of Darkness

-stop eating so much

-PRAY LIKE CRAZYYYYY and put my full trust in the Lord

I feel like summer's almost ending! Summer school. Violin tape. Worship team. New Life. Osaka. Things are starting to wrap up and fall into place...but Mr. VanEnk told us today that multi-tasking actually makes you dumber/slower or something -.- I felt like I was being reminded that these things are doable! I just need to remember to be grateful and to do each thing passionately!

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Fragile Hearts

She spins in circles on her toes, smiling to herself.

She daydreams about beautiful, perfect days.

She appreciates the little things.

She has compassion for others.

She stands out in the crowd.

She is very lovable.

She is artsy.

She is humble.

She is gifted.

She is joyful and very funny.

She cries because others break her down.

They call her a failure.

They call her a disappointment.

Her secrets are spilled.

Her closest friends talk behind her back.

She tries so hard in every aspect.

She tries to make a difference.

She has been lonely.

She is a lot of things...but her heart is fragile.

These are just a few of the experiences and characteristics of some of my girlfriends. Some of my sisters. At times, it seems like the world is out to get us. To break us down. But the LORD protects hearts. The LORD is faithful. The LORD loves His daughters more than any human ever could. He is with them, even when they don't know it...and He is sovereign over the brokenness they face.

Big Girls

At winter retreat this past February, I remember seeing the Forever 6th girls (college sophomores from my church) sitting together in a circle...reunited and finally catching up with one another. I remember feeling a pang of jealousy-My girls aren't nearly as close to one another. Will we ever have that? That unity and trust? That comfort? Will we still care about each other in 3 years?

It's strange to think back to freshman year...when we all spent time with each other regularly. We goofed around, but we also learned about the Lord and we experienced His love through the church body and our big brothers and sisters. We were involved in an accountability group with those same senior girls and enjoyed being babied. We saw what it looked like to be supporting one another and to be involved in the lives of our sisters.

We started to grow. We grew to be funnier, stronger, more involved and more independent. We matured, we persevered, we fought, we witnessed, we argued, we created, we learned, we lead. And here we are...yet it hurts to look at us as a class. As "sisters". We've come so far, but even more so, we've become so far apart.

I have never doubted for one second that my girls were/are/will continue to grow into beautiful, successful, loved, active, and happy young women. I have never doubted their ability, intelligence, good intentions, compassionate hearts, zesty humor, talent, and uniqueness. Yet I know that despite our capacity, we're broken as individuals, and as a group that once sought the company and encouragement of one another in times of need or celebration. Our love is no longer free. Our conversations are no longer easy. Our secrets are no longer shared. Our trust is no longer enduring. Our faith is scattered, lost, hopeful, searching, non-existent, or alone.

I'm sitting in my mom's bed, appreciating its consistency, warmth, and faithfulness. Why can't all friendships be this easy? Many friendships are still good, but they take work. Tonight, like so many other nights, I wonder how the two ideas that ...

1. God is sovereign even over our free choice, and

2. that everything put together in His plan is how He will be most glorified

...go hand in hand.

Has He been more glorified these past 3 years than if our lives and friendships were any different? Nevertheless, I know God loves His daughters so much more than I ever could. I want so badly to be His way of assuring them that there IS unconditional love in any circumstance. That there IS grace for all mistakes. That there IS greater joy than we can ever conjure up here in this life. And that there IS only 1 true Love-Christ who was given so that we could choose, know, love, and be loved by the Lord.

God, You are watching over those who have been alone. Show them that You are near, and that You desire their hearts. Show them that Your own heart is broken when they don't choose you. Lord help us to grow as sisters. As parts of the Body. As pieces of a puzzle, so that we can always direct and be directed towards You and the gospel that saved us from sin, death, and emptiness. Help us to learn to forgive, for You first forgave us, and to love, for You first loved us. Instill in our hearts a fiery, growing need to know You more, for there is nothing and no one else as worthy of being known. We're big girls now only because You've brought us thus far...may our lives and love be pleasing to You.

I Love Starbucks for...

-its delicious coffee...any order, any temperature, at any time of the day, and any season of the year.

-the calming, cozy environment.

-the SMELL. Irreplaceable. Sweet. Bitter. Roasty. Full. Familiar.

-the free wi-fi. Finally.

-the community. I'm always bound to find someone I now here. :)

-always being there for me!

And now, I can blog here :D (without some starbucks card/account that never worked, for some reason...)

"LISTEN TO ME"

How many children, students, men, and women in the world scream this in their heads everyday? Do you? I have before.

My summer school teacher's name is Ms. Boyd. She works at Santa Monica High. In American Government, we talked about civil rights and how treatment of minority groups has improved over the decades through riots, sit-ins, boycotts, legislature, speeches, charismatic leaders, brave souls, and exposure. When asked, "Did all of MLK's dreams come true? Do we still face segregation today? Discrimination? Racism?", we all agreed that although there have been major strides taken, people are still facing racism all across the nation.

I guess I'm writing here to vent today. Ms. Boyd began to share about how many of her students are affiliated with gangs...how they jump at the opportunity to be in gangs to make themselves feel good/protected. There are students in gangs, homeless students, illegal immigrant students, drug-dealing students, students who share a one-room apartment with 10 other people, and so on. Then, she told us that two of her students were killed in gang shootings this past year. That means, that while I was crying over tests and stress, two high school students were killed. They were shot because some other racial gang didn't want to be the weak minority group of the city. Their life here ended-no more college, no more marriage, no more family, no more success.

What were their names? What ethnicity were they? What were their dreams? What were their accomplishments? Did they know the Lord? Who knows their story? Who cares?

Today, I'm so saddened by the fact that most of the people in my class (myself included) will probably forget about these two students. Meanwhile, it's really not just these two people. It's hundreds of youth just like me who happen to be placed in neighborhoods, schools, ethnic groups, gangs, businesses, and situations like that...instead of going to Peninsula High in PV, studying to go to a prestigious college like all of us. They're finding drug-users because they can't get a job, while I'm blogging on my netbook and about to go practice the violin. They're being threatened and forced to be involved in violence, while I go home to study and talk to people from my youth group and Christian club and whatever the heck.

When my class heard, and later when I told a couple of friends, my mom, and my cousin, all those two students got was "That's sad." All those kids get is "That's sad." Sure, we've never met them and we can't do anything about the lives that have already been lost, but "THAT'S SAD"?! REALLY??? And we move on to cry about the World Cup. We move on to talk about TWILIGHT. We move on to complain about the weather. We move on to go shopping. Nobody hears. Very few who hear actually care. I don't know about you, but if I was God, I would not be pleased.

I wrote this because I'm afraid of forgetting. I'm ashamed of how I've forget everyday, and I say, "My life sucks." Ms. Boyd is lucky, because she's always being reminded of how blessed she is, and she's in a position that directly allows her to interact with the broken, the hurt, the weak, the lost. Hey, wake up. So are we. I know you've once cried, "Listen to me" when you felt like no one cared. Well there are people all around you, both people who are fortunate and people who have nothing, and they need you to listen to them.