Connect

The God of the universe who presents all my struggles and accomplishments and blessings and heartbreak so on. THE ONE. The Big Guy :D Abba Father...Daddy. My Shepherd. The One who sees all my sins and all my weaknesses for what they are, and who has already decided my path in this life down to each and every blink of the eye. The God who carved the canyons and sculpted the rivers and expanded the waters and placed the stars in the sky.

This God loves ME?!

One of the strange, mind-blowing, misunderstood ideas that I learned (or re-learned) at retreat is that this very God actually desires time with me. He wants time with me. He loves me, yes, but He also LIKES me enough to say, "Man, I wish she'd just set aside some time. I've been waiting forever to spend time with her....oh she's making time for me! THIS IS SO EXCITING." As Jason Ashimoto described, the Lord loves spending time with us so much that He goes giddy with anticipation.

The first line of David Crowder's song "How He Loves" is
"He is jealous for me"
not jealous of me. not jealous for anything else. God is jealous FOR me....jealous when something else draws my heart and it's not Him. The One who could be spending His infinite time wiping out His disobedient, sinful people with angry tsunami's or earthquakes or plagues..THAT ONE wants to spend time with me. Kinda like how I want to spend time with my sisters. Or how I want to spend alone time with my mom. Simple. Intimate. Ever-growing. Fruitful. Loving. WEIRD RIGHT? God loves me. God likes me. God wants to spend time with me. There's nothing I can do to change it.

Yep, there are no clever ties in this entry. And there's also no way to possibly express what this all means...but at the very least, being reminded of and really understanding this has changed the way I look at my relationship with God. At retreat, I was honestly able to enjoy my chat/convo time with Him, and He definitely revealed Himself to me with every slight breeze and ray of warmth that my jeans would soak up. He met me on the playground, in the chapel, at the top of the hill, during my runs. He met me when I came home, distrusting and scared to face life again. Connecting to Him just takes a greater desire, because we all have the time to make for Him and we definitely need Him more than we can comprehend. My prayer is that we are a people that connects with the Lord each and every day before the other worries and pleasures of life.

God bless.

Today I'm thankful for:

-sunshine
-upstairs section of the library, quiet and cozy <3
-encouraging, joyful, honest friends
-advice/new ideas
-music and the privilege of being able to enjoy it and use it
-hot food
-tea+honey since i had to say goodbye to coffee (for now..)
-kind reminders and convictions about God's goodness and love for me/His people
-love songs.
-chamber choir
-my funny family!

Inhale

After a 4-day week of a lot of motivation, studying, stress, good reminders, and tests, here I am.

Here I am, in the middle of this 26(ish) hour interval between getting out of school and the beginning of Winter Retreat with my youth group and EBCLA! <3

Here I am, taking a deep breath. Inhaling fresh air and thanking the Lord for bringing me thus far.

and

Here I am, like a diver/swimmer before jumping into the water. Like a runner before a race. Like a student sitting before a test.

Here I am, inhaling a breath to brace myself. To ready myself. To calm myself. To anticipate what lies ahead.

Here I am, praising the Lord for being a God so worthy of every minuscule movement, thought, and breath being devoted to Him. For being a God of power who has the strength to move and work beyond what my eyes can see. I'm excited.

Inhale...

Dear Junior Year,

Someone reminded me that the goal towards godliness "would include a growing desire to please Him and glorify Him in the most ordinary activities of life."
Fine.
You are part of my pursuit of godliness. It's still hard to like you, but I can try.

P.S. You gave me a really long week. Excuse my negative attitude.
-Alayne

Dear Junior Year,

I don't like you.
-Alayne